After getting home from a friend's house for Christmas, I caught the tail end of a show called Parent Trap (http://www.drphil.com/shows/show/962/). The part that I caught talked about this idea called "Paternity Fraud." Apparently, a gentleman, Carnell, was lied to by his ex-girlfriend, whom he recently separated with, about who the father was. Well, maybe she didn't lie but she did not inform him of the possibility of their being another paternal candidate. In any case, he assumes the role of a father and shares custody of the child with the mother and pays his child support dutifully. Then, after eleven years, he discovers that he is not the biological father based upon the result of two paternity tests. So he stops paying child support. The mother then files a lawsuit to force him to continue the child support and they get their day in court. Since he is clearly not the father, he should win, right? Nope. The judge says that he should have found out sooner.
There was an attorney on the show, Gloria Allred, who agreed with the judge because it is the interests of the child that need to be protected. She feels that Carnell should not be allowed to just up and leave the child who has believed this to be her father. The damage, she claims, would be irreparable. Now she might be right about the damage to the child but I don't think that is the only issue here. Obviously the child, like Carnell and each of us, has rights. The question, though, is do her rights supersede his. I don't think they do.
If you disagree with me on that, then let's change the situation a little bit and see if you are still convinced that I am wrong. Let's assume Carnell didn't meet this woman until one month after she gave birth. Clearly in this situation Carnell knows he is not the father but he falls in love with this woman almost immediately after meeting her and within a month the three of them move in together. They raise the child to call Carnell 'Daddy' and live together happily for eleven years. Then one day Carnell decides that this life isn't for him and just leaves. While you may think this action is wrong, do you think he has the right to do so? I believe most everyone would say he does have that right. So if you think he should pay in the first example but don't in the second, then I ask you "What's the difference?".
During the show Carnell and Gloria kept pointing the fingers and who did what wrong but I don't that should be where the focus is. The question is more about rights. Now everyone agrees that we all have rights but when push comes to shove it seems to me that it's always about "MY RIGHTS" and we forget about the other person's rights. There will always be times when my rights bump up against another person's rights and sometimes one does trump the other. Therefore, does this child, who has done nothing wrong, have the right to demand (through her mother) that this non-biological father, who also has done nothing wrong, to continue to pay child support? Does the child's rights trump his? When they both have done nothing wrong, then how can they? So while my heart goes out to this girl and I do feel that Carnell may have a moral obligation to continue what he has been doing, I do not believe that he has a legal responsibility here. He has to freedom to choose.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
New England Patriots - Can it be a perfect season without a Super Bowl win?
Well, the New England Patriots won another game and moved to within one game of having a perfect 16-0 regular season record. The Patriots' final opponent is the New York Giants who are locked into the 5th seed. The Giants are a little banged up and will have to play in the first round of the playoffs so there is speculation that the Giants will rest many of its key players. If that happens it will hand the Patriots their 16th win since they will bringing out Brady and company in full force to get that perfect record. That would be unfortunate if Patriots' 16th win is basically a forfeit. That will raise debates for years to come if the Patriots go on to win the Super Bowl.
There's that word: IF. There is hardly a guarantee that the Patriots are a lock to win the Super Bowl, much less the AFC. Even though the Patriots defeated the Colts earlier this season, you cannot count Peyton Manning out when it comes to the playoffs. Don't let the Chargers record fool you. They have won eight of the last ten and if it weren't for a rocky start during those first four games they might actually be playing for a first-round bye, tied for the fewest points allowed with the Patriots, and be tied with the Colts on points scored . Eventually the Patriots will have to contend with either the Colts or the Chargers and either one of them has a legitimate shot at knocking them out. In fact, I will go on record to say that the Chargers will be seeded 3rd, beat the Titans in the first round, the Colts in the second round, and then edge the Patriots for the AFC Championship.
Now there is the NFC. Favre and the Packers could be considered the 'Cinderella' story. He is having a tremendous season even for being in the twilight of his career and is finally breaking all of those career records previously held by Marion and Elway. I am hoping that it can hold up and that he makes it to the Super Bowl and wins the game and the MVP honors and then retire like Elway did. Favre has played unselfishly his entire career and to go out like that would be great to see. His problem, though, is getting past the Cowboys. He and his teammates are going to have their work cut out for them if the end up facing the Cowboys for the NFC Championship. If they do take it, then you will see this kid jumping on the Packers/Favre bandwagon. I don't hold out much hope for the Packers bringing home the Lombardi trophy but I am hopeful.
So let me leave you with one pondering thought. If the Patriots do win next week and get that perfect regular season record but then fail to win the Super Bowl, then what? Can you actually compare them to the '72 Dolphins? What about the '85 Bears who did win the Super Bowl but had one loss during the regular season? Oh, how the debate will rage on if the Patriots don't win the Super Bowl.
Tony
There's that word: IF. There is hardly a guarantee that the Patriots are a lock to win the Super Bowl, much less the AFC. Even though the Patriots defeated the Colts earlier this season, you cannot count Peyton Manning out when it comes to the playoffs. Don't let the Chargers record fool you. They have won eight of the last ten and if it weren't for a rocky start during those first four games they might actually be playing for a first-round bye, tied for the fewest points allowed with the Patriots, and be tied with the Colts on points scored . Eventually the Patriots will have to contend with either the Colts or the Chargers and either one of them has a legitimate shot at knocking them out. In fact, I will go on record to say that the Chargers will be seeded 3rd, beat the Titans in the first round, the Colts in the second round, and then edge the Patriots for the AFC Championship.
Now there is the NFC. Favre and the Packers could be considered the 'Cinderella' story. He is having a tremendous season even for being in the twilight of his career and is finally breaking all of those career records previously held by Marion and Elway. I am hoping that it can hold up and that he makes it to the Super Bowl and wins the game and the MVP honors and then retire like Elway did. Favre has played unselfishly his entire career and to go out like that would be great to see. His problem, though, is getting past the Cowboys. He and his teammates are going to have their work cut out for them if the end up facing the Cowboys for the NFC Championship. If they do take it, then you will see this kid jumping on the Packers/Favre bandwagon. I don't hold out much hope for the Packers bringing home the Lombardi trophy but I am hopeful.
So let me leave you with one pondering thought. If the Patriots do win next week and get that perfect regular season record but then fail to win the Super Bowl, then what? Can you actually compare them to the '72 Dolphins? What about the '85 Bears who did win the Super Bowl but had one loss during the regular season? Oh, how the debate will rage on if the Patriots don't win the Super Bowl.
Tony
Saturday, December 22, 2007
A New Beginning...
Well, I have finally gone and done it. I am posting the first entry into my diary and, Yes, I am a madman. As we journey through these postings together you will get an insight into the all of the various me's. You will find that I can and will talk about anything and nothing is off-limits.
So, how did I get to this point in my life? Well there is a very long-winded answer but I will give you the condensed version. I will start with recent events that have prompted this "New Beginning" but there is more to the story than just that.
First stop on the journey is December 1, 2005. This is the day my wife moved out and a day after I started a new job that was completely different than the tax and accounting work that I had been doing the previous six years. The separation was a long time in coming and it was somewhat of a relief when it finally did happen. At least it allowed me to focus on my new job.
Next stop is September 5, 2006. After receiving an abnormal reading on some routine blood work that was needed for a life insurance policy, my doctor conducted some additional tests. This is the day that I found out that there was a high probability that I had some form of lymphoma or leukemia. Ouch, CANCER!!!! The good news that I got a few weeks later is that the specific cancer I had was Hodgkin's Disease or Hodgkin's lymphoma. It is one of the more curable forms of cancer there is.
So, did this little news of cancer slow me down? HA! Not one bit. On September 17 I was one of many who ran in the Inaugural Disneyland Half-Marathon "race". This was my first long-distance run and I finished in under three hours, which was my goal. I had to sprint the last 0.1 miles but I did it. WOOHOO!!!!
Over the next few months I would undergo chemotherapy treatments that were supposed to be somewhat debilitating. They were working quite well too. After four treatments we ran some more tests and found that the cancer was half gone. To me that meant I could keep right on running.
And on January 14, 2007 I did just that. It was only ten days after one of my chemo treatments and 29 degrees outside in an otherwise normally balmy Phoenix, AZ but I lined up for the PF Chang's Half-Marathon. Once again I had a blast. I even ran into my old boss during the run (well, I was actually walking at that point). She's the one that fired me just before I started a new career. She was completely supportive and is one of the greatest people I have ever met.
Well, in April we do another test. This time not so good. There has been no progress since the test done in December. Time to change course. This was not a slight change either, it was an about face. My doctor transfers my care to an expert specific to my disease and it is decided to go forward with a bone marrow transplant procedure. This is where they gave me chemo drugs that are so powerful that they will literally destroy my blood system and would have killed me if not for the top notch skills of the medical staff. To preserve my blood system they take some of them away and freeze them before I get the batch of "poisonous" chemo drugs. Once those chemo drugs leave my system I am given those frozen cells that became my lifeline. They were able to find their way home to the bones and regenerate my entire blood system. I was lucky and actually breezed through it relatively unscathed. It could have easily been a lot worse.
The bone marrow transplant procedure has many steps and it took a few months especially since my body was not always entirely cooperative. During that time I was sued the landlord of my spouse's business, finalized the divorce, and started the process of filing for bankruptcy. I know this sounds like a lot to go through all at once but I think that actually helped. I hired attorneys to take care of my divorce and bankruptcy proceedings and focused solely on staying healthy. It was in the back of my mind, of course, but that's where it pretty much stayed.
The Hodgkin's Disease is now under control but we did find out in the process that I may have thyroid cancer. Just pile it on top. I am now to the point that there is nothing that you can throw at me that will break me. When you come face to face with the decision to take drugs that can literally kill you and survive, nothing can really throw you for a loop. You just simply look at the situation, figure out how to get through it, and then do it. No horsing around, just do it. So I met my latest doctor (my fourth doctor in 18 months) about two weeks ago and we talked it through and I am having surgery in five days to cut out the troublesome thyroid nodule and perhaps the entire thyroid.
So here we are. Within the last two years I have 1) started essentially a new career, 2) been divorced, 3) fought off cancer, and 4) began the process of bankruptcy. I would definitely call that "A New Beginning." No more messing around, it's time to get things done.
Tony
So, how did I get to this point in my life? Well there is a very long-winded answer but I will give you the condensed version. I will start with recent events that have prompted this "New Beginning" but there is more to the story than just that.
First stop on the journey is December 1, 2005. This is the day my wife moved out and a day after I started a new job that was completely different than the tax and accounting work that I had been doing the previous six years. The separation was a long time in coming and it was somewhat of a relief when it finally did happen. At least it allowed me to focus on my new job.
Next stop is September 5, 2006. After receiving an abnormal reading on some routine blood work that was needed for a life insurance policy, my doctor conducted some additional tests. This is the day that I found out that there was a high probability that I had some form of lymphoma or leukemia. Ouch, CANCER!!!! The good news that I got a few weeks later is that the specific cancer I had was Hodgkin's Disease or Hodgkin's lymphoma. It is one of the more curable forms of cancer there is.
So, did this little news of cancer slow me down? HA! Not one bit. On September 17 I was one of many who ran in the Inaugural Disneyland Half-Marathon "race". This was my first long-distance run and I finished in under three hours, which was my goal. I had to sprint the last 0.1 miles but I did it. WOOHOO!!!!
Over the next few months I would undergo chemotherapy treatments that were supposed to be somewhat debilitating. They were working quite well too. After four treatments we ran some more tests and found that the cancer was half gone. To me that meant I could keep right on running.
And on January 14, 2007 I did just that. It was only ten days after one of my chemo treatments and 29 degrees outside in an otherwise normally balmy Phoenix, AZ but I lined up for the PF Chang's Half-Marathon. Once again I had a blast. I even ran into my old boss during the run (well, I was actually walking at that point). She's the one that fired me just before I started a new career. She was completely supportive and is one of the greatest people I have ever met.
Well, in April we do another test. This time not so good. There has been no progress since the test done in December. Time to change course. This was not a slight change either, it was an about face. My doctor transfers my care to an expert specific to my disease and it is decided to go forward with a bone marrow transplant procedure. This is where they gave me chemo drugs that are so powerful that they will literally destroy my blood system and would have killed me if not for the top notch skills of the medical staff. To preserve my blood system they take some of them away and freeze them before I get the batch of "poisonous" chemo drugs. Once those chemo drugs leave my system I am given those frozen cells that became my lifeline. They were able to find their way home to the bones and regenerate my entire blood system. I was lucky and actually breezed through it relatively unscathed. It could have easily been a lot worse.
The bone marrow transplant procedure has many steps and it took a few months especially since my body was not always entirely cooperative. During that time I was sued the landlord of my spouse's business, finalized the divorce, and started the process of filing for bankruptcy. I know this sounds like a lot to go through all at once but I think that actually helped. I hired attorneys to take care of my divorce and bankruptcy proceedings and focused solely on staying healthy. It was in the back of my mind, of course, but that's where it pretty much stayed.
The Hodgkin's Disease is now under control but we did find out in the process that I may have thyroid cancer. Just pile it on top. I am now to the point that there is nothing that you can throw at me that will break me. When you come face to face with the decision to take drugs that can literally kill you and survive, nothing can really throw you for a loop. You just simply look at the situation, figure out how to get through it, and then do it. No horsing around, just do it. So I met my latest doctor (my fourth doctor in 18 months) about two weeks ago and we talked it through and I am having surgery in five days to cut out the troublesome thyroid nodule and perhaps the entire thyroid.
So here we are. Within the last two years I have 1) started essentially a new career, 2) been divorced, 3) fought off cancer, and 4) began the process of bankruptcy. I would definitely call that "A New Beginning." No more messing around, it's time to get things done.
Tony
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